You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
