ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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