She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
