The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
