well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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