Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
