i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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