I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
