Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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