...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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