So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
