I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
