i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
