We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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