Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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