WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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