I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
