All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
