I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
