i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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