Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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