How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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