like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
