Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
