and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He felt like a one man threesome
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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