i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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