i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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