if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
