Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
