You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
