I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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