At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A bitchslap is in order.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
