Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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