Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
