Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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