Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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