It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
