I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
