hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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