If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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