My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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