They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
