i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
