we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hippo gnu deer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
