whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
