If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
