It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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