please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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