the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
