I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
