he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
