the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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