if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize