There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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