You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
