we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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