she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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