So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
