My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
