that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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