You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
