Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
