My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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