she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
