Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
