it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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