The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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