oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
